I didn’t maintain a daily blog during my Japan trip this summer. Instead, I’ve let the experience sink in and stew within me. This trip felt different than previous ones. Was it because I was turning 30 during this trip? Or was it something else? It felt different before the eye-opening experience in Kyoto so that wasn’t it. Maybe I’ll figure this out by the end of this singular blog entry as my consciousness just streams and plays back the events during those 10 days in July.
Well the first thing to note is that I did not accomplish any of the goals I set forth – that in itself may be some type of accomplishment. Mt. Fuji was probably the only goal that I really wanted to fulfill. It seems like it is destined to be my white whale that will continue to eat away at me. This time I was defeated by a typhoon. I stubbornly ignored the warnings of the locals and insisted on making the climb at night in a typhoon – probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever attempted while sober. It was an expensive unmitigated disaster. Luckily, I suffered no bodily harm. I will reach the peak one day. I just have to. So many weaker people have already done so…..and made it seem easy.
That night in Kyoto was the second transformative experience. I always knew that deep down that a guy like me had pretty slim chances in a club. I wasn’t seriously looking for anything, just seeking some mutual respect maybe? If you could call it that. But never was I so off the mark as in that club or maybe it just sunk in after all these years? I was perhaps the lowest in the totem pole in that establishment. It was a blow to my ego. It wasn’t the first time I understood that the english-speaking Asian male was at the greatest disadvantage at a club in Japan but this time it just really sunk in. Maybe it was all the conquest stories I heard earlier that night about a friend’s friend who was the stereotypical caucasian male living it up in Japan. The night so far had been soul-crushing and it wasn’t even over yet.
Part II of that night in Kyoto allowed me to see another side of Japan I always suspected but never thought I would see, especially in such a brutal manner. As my friend and I stumbled out of the club and walked the darkened streets in Kyoto. Something set this Japanese guy off who was walking with his girlfriend. His reaction was a total surprise and we were definitely caught off guard. He was extremely aggressive and went on a long rant about foreigners. In any event, it wiped out what little ego I had remaining. Scratch that, wiped out all self-respect I had left. My hand…and my dignity still hurts. At this point it feels like neither will heal fully.
Third, seeing SM and the baby and her as a mother was really something. She took on a whole new beauty and grace that was just hidden or just below the surface before – you felt a hint of it when you met her but couldn’t put your finger on it. As I held the baby and helped her with him, the whole thing felt natural, warm, and comforting – like I was living in some alternate reality, though I’m not sure how her husband would feel about that. Was it just 6 years ago where everything was so fluid and uncertain? We had all grown up and everything was different now. Now things were fixed and planned for the rest of our lives it seemed. I was glad that we could be friends without it being awkward. Will we continue to be friends when we get older or will I just become some skeleton in the closet?
The appeal of Japan has certainly decreased some. I no longer feel anonymous like I once did. There were a lot more foreigners and tourists where I was also. The Japanese seem to have adapted to this and grown thicker skins as well. I felt like my secret was out. My happy place invaded. I had no more refuge.
My dream is over.
Sounds so depressing, but I’m sure you had a fantastic time still. Also sounds like you’ll be going back to attempt Mt Fuji again. Good for you. Hopefully one day I can join you? Wishful thinking.
Life’s priorities change and we grow up, as you mentioned, so we view things differently, so when things don’t pan out as expected, it becomes even more of a disappointment.
You guys did the right thing by walking away from any major incidents.
Your meet with SM sounded like it was a fruitful reunion of friends. Glad to hear that she is doing well.
Until next time…
Hmm, interesting self analysis. I should remind you however, that the Kyoto night should not deter you from your haven. Lets not forget there are assholes in every culture. You just seemed to meet that one that night, saying that’s the first real asshole you met in 5 or 6 trips now is it? That’s pretty good odds.
As for clubbing in general, Bro, there’s no way around it, we’re getting old, and we’re 10 years older than the clubbing crowd. You remember what we said when we saw ppl in their 30s in a club full of early 20ies. You can’t beat the clock, you need to accept it and work with it. There are alternatives, lounges, classier establishments, and if you MUST club, there are singles bars and older clubs. That is where the people our age go now. The Jet club days are over, the Thursdays era is now, to put it bluntly.
The club crashed hit myself and DR, last year. its time to find something new.
Those night in NYC at K bars, and random bars were fun, and its where we belong now. Chugging Bleue Dry’s must give way to sipping Hakushu.
I’m the one who has seen the biggest change over the last year, so I can tell you first hand brother, It only gets better from here on. There are other great things in life to savor, and i wish to do so with the you and DR by my side. We will savor them, and you will realize what I’m saying one day, and all you’ll do is laugh, because clubbing and hangover have nothing compared to what the future has in store.
Remember the pool party and how epic that was. that is what the future is full of. The best part of that is, no douches and Migs are invited or around to ruin it.
Life is too short to cry about the past.